May 20, 2010

दुईटा गाई र विश्व अर्थतन्त्र !

केही सत्यता, केही व्यंङ्ग्य र केही हाँसोले भरिएको यो परिभाषाहरुको सँगालोले चेनमेलको रुपमा सायद धेरै पटक पृथ्विको परिक्रमा गरिसकेको होला । विकिपीडियाका लेखहरुजस्तै बन्दै, थपिदैँ र कैयौं व्यक्तिहरुबाट सम्पादित हुँदै गएको यो "दुई गाई' को रोचक परिभाषा सायद ईन्टरनेटको पेजहरुमा पनि यत्र तत्र छन। कतै The Economies of Cows, कतै Two Cows Theory अनि Two Cow Economic Theory आदि नामले भेटिने यो परिभाषाको सँगालो आज आफ्नै कम्प्युटरको पुरानो फोल्डरमा भेटिएकोले सबै माझ बाँढदै छु ।

ल तपाई पनि हेर्नुस दुईवटा गाईले के कसरी संसारको भिन्न भिन्न देश, वाद र आर्थिक व्यबस्थालाई परिभाषीत गर्न सक्छ त:

Socialism
You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

Communism
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and gives you some milk.

Fascism
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and sells you some milk.

Nazism
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

Bureaucracy
You have 2 cows. The Government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away.

Traditional Capitalism
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. You herd multiples, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

An American Corporation
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

A French Corporation
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A Japanese Corporation
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and market them world-wide.

A German Corporation
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

An Italian Corporation
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A Russian Corporation
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have 5 cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A Swiss Corporation
You have 5,000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A Chinese Corporation
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

An Irish Corporation
You have two cows. You claim government subsidies for eight cows.

A British Corporation
You have two cows. Both are mad

Communism - Cambodian
You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you. Your family complains about your unfair death on Blogger.com, which is immediately blocked by the government.

Indian Society
You have two cows. You use them to do labor, provide milk, etc. until they no longer can, and then you worship them.

Anarcho-individualism of Nepal
You have two cows. The cows decide you have no right to have them and leave to form their own society.

Nepalese Maoism
You have two cows. The cows go on strike and barricade your doors, demanding cow supremacy.

Nepalese Society

You have two cows. They support two different political parties and never give milk to you saying you belong to the 'third party'.


थप-थाप: (पाठक साथीहरुको कमेण्टमा प्राप्त नयाँ परिभाषाहरु) । कसैमाथी ठाडो प्रहार नहुने र गाली गलौज नभएको रमाइला व्यंङ्यात्मक परिभाषाहरु छन भने अरु पन थप्दै जानु होला ।

Dutch Corporation
You have two cows, both are lesbians and smoke weed. When you try to milk them, Bavaria comes out.

Nepali Monarchism

You have tow cows. You feed them but all the milk goes to palace.

Nepali Congress:

You have two cows. One wants to go to Delhi, other to Bihar.

CPN UML, Nepal

You have two cows. One is Lesbian and other is Gay.

Dautari Blog
You have tow cows. Both outdated. :)

Nepali Maoists:

You have one cow, one buffalo and a man. You kill and eat the cow making a party. You beat the man to death and confiscate his house and property and worship the buffalo.



15 Comments:

Basanta said...

Great! Wonderful collection!

mahesh said...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. hehehehehehehe. very nice examples

RRijal said...

hahahaha ... masterpiece of sarcasm ! nobody added the Dutch corporation :P ?? hmm...
Well, the Dutch Corporation
You have two cows, both are lesbians and smoke weed. When you try to milk them, Bavaria comes out.
lol

Zero Hour (शुन्य समय) said...

दुइटा गाईको निबन्ध बडो रमाइलो लाग्यो :)

Prajwol said...

Good stuff, really enjoyed reading them..made my day :)

Anonymous said...

I agree:
Well, the Dutch Corporation
You have two cows, both are lesbians and smoke weed. When you try to milk them, Bavaria comes out.

Bibek said...

It's the great job . I am going to save and share it. It's wonderful...........................:)

Nepalean said...

Ramailo lagyo cow ko joke. Dherai din pachi dautari ma hasne khurak ayo. Thanks Tharki Sir.
Rijal ji Dutch cow ta jhan khatara po rayechan.

हाम्रो गाउंका गाई भएको भए-
एउटाले मान्छे कोही आएका छन कि छैनन भनेर हेर्थ्यो अर्को बार फिड्केर मकैबारी खान थाल्थ्यो।

पुष्प said...

नेपाली राजतन्त्र - You have tow cows. You feed them but all the milk goes to palace.

नेपाली कांग्रेस - You have two cows. One wants to go to delhi, other to Bihar.

नेकपा एमाले - You have two cows. One is Lesbian and other is Gay.

दौंतरी - You have tow cows. Both outdated. :)

Anonymous said...

माओबादी: Arkako ghas khadai hidne,dudh bhane nadine. arule duyeko pani pokhaudai hidne.

Anonymous said...

Nepali Maoists: You have one cow , one buffalo and a man

you kill and eat the cow making a party गाई मार्ने र वाइस्यालको पार्टी गर्ने क्रान्तिकारिता देखाउन खाने ।
you beat the man to death and confiscate his house and property( मान्छेलाई अरू पार्टी समर्थक ठानेर घूँडामा घन हानेर थिलोथिलो पार्ने । उसको घर कब्जा गर्ने )
And worship the buffalo ( भैँसी पूजा गर्ने )

ठरकि दादा said...

यहाँ त अरु नयाँ नयाँ परिभाषाहरु पनि थपिएछन । ल अहिलेसम्म थपिएका सबै नयाँ परिभाषालाई माथिको पोस्टमै "थप-थाप" गरेर अपडेट गरेको छु ।

कसैमाथी व्यक्तिगत आक्षेप नलाग्ने, ठाडो प्रहार नहुने र गाली गलौज नभएको रमाइला व्यंङ्यात्मक परिभाषाहरु छन भने अरु पन थप्दै जानु होला ।

यि सबै देशी-विदेशी गाई भन्दा नेपालियनजीको गाउँका गाई भने झनै "खतरनाक" लागे है मलाई त ।

Nepalean said...

गाईलाइ प्राय रमाइलो कथाको पात्र बनाइन्छ । सायद यो शान्त प्राणी हुने भएर हो या के हो। करीब एक दशक
पहिले एउटा किताबमा पढेको थिएं -bovin ilk one side moo next side milk.
उसले एकातिर रमाइलो पनि प्रदान गरीराखेको हुन्छ अर्को तिर दुध पनि दिइरहेको हुन्छ।

ठरकी सरलके हाम्रो गाउंको गाईको कथा रमाइलो मान्नु भएछ। हाम्रा गाउंको गाईको कथा अरु थुप्रै छन।
गाइको दुध दहुन निकै गार्हो हुन्छ। पहाडी गाईले दुध कम दिने र दिन भरी जस्तो बाछ्छीसंग चर्ने हुनाले दिनमा एक पटक मात्र दुध दुहिन्छ। पहिलो कुरा त दुहुने थुन नै साना हुन्छ दोस्रो कुरा उस्ले केही न केही उपाए
निकालेर बाछ्छालाइ दुध खुहाइहाल्छ। दुधु धुहुन गयो दुध जति बाछ्छाले नै भ्याइसकेको हुन्छ।
गाईको बुद्दी त निकै हुन्छ तर सारै शान्त प्राणी। उस्तै परे कुकुर संग पनि डराएर भाग्छन। एक पटक कसैको गाइ हराएर हाम्रो घरमा आइपुग्यो। राती भएको ले कस्को हो थाहा नपाएकोले घरै छेउको कटेरोमा बांधेर राख्यौं। भोली बिहान उठ्दा त चितुवाले गाईलाई सिध्धाइसकेछ। पहाडका गाईहरु यदा कता चितुवाको शिकार हुने गर्छन।

गाईको अर्को प्रसंग निकै हासो उठ्दो र पिडादायक छ। तिन जना साथी साइकलमा ट्रिपल लोड हुंदै स्कुलबाट फर्कदै थियौं। बाटोको छेउमा एउटा ठुलो जर्सीगाइ उभिरहेको थियो। साइकल चलाउने मरो साथी डराएर साइकल नै पल्टायो। तिनै जना घाइते। किन साइकल पल्टाएको भनेर सोध्दा त गाइले मार्छ(हिर्काउंछ) भनेर डराएर पल्टाएको पो भन्छ। सिंग नै नभएको जर्सी गाईसंग साथी डराएकोले सार्है हांसो उठ्यो तर आफ्नो घुंडाको घाउ भने निकै दु:खी रहेको थियो।

Aakar said...

ha ha ha !

Shirish said...

ha ha ha! simply awesome!

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