Collected and posted by:- Eklavya
1. While traveling one summer, a couple stopped at a restaurant and struck up a conversation with an elderly native.
"They sure do have a lot of peculiarities around here," the man commented.
"Yeah," agreed the local. "But they all leave after the tourist season's over."
2. This lady had just had her 50th birthday and found the decade marker traumatic. When she went to get her driver's licence renewed, a very matter-of-fact woman typed out the information, tested her vision, snapped the camera and handed her a laminated card with her picture on it.
"You mean I have to look at this for the next four years?" she jokingly said to her.
"Don't worry about it," she replied. "In four years it'll look good to you."
3. A woman entered a lingerie store, dragging her five-year-old son with her. The child, who'd had his fill of shopping, protested, "Mom, do we have to go in here?"
"You said you wanted a little brother, didn't you?" she replied.
4. Having grown up outside New York, this pastor barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is, he married a small-town Ohio girl. Once, he had an assignment at a church in a rural community. The day of his first sermon, he tried hard to fit in. With his wife sitting in the first pew, he began: "I never saw a cow until I met my wife."
5. Heard on a friend's answering machine: "Hi, I'm probably home. I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave a message. If I don't call back, it's you."
6. In his first year in graduate school, a student chatted one day with some classmates about the program's difficulty. A professor overheard them and tried to allay their fears.
"Don't worry too much about grades," he explained.
"When you think you know everything, they give you a Bachelor's degree.
Then when you realise you don't know anything, they give you a Master's.
And when you find out that you don't know anything, but neither does anyone else," he continued, "they give you a doctorate." ( I find it the best, do you think so? :-Eklavya)
7. The Healing Power
An elderly couple was watching TV when a TV evangelist came on air to pray for the sick.
The evangelist said. "For those of you who are sick, I want to pray with you so that you can be cured of your sickness. Place your right hand on the part of your body that is suffering from disorder, and raise your left hand."
The old man placed his right hand on the "old fella" (private part), raised his left hand, and closed his eyes.
His wife saw what he did, and slowly whispered, "Honey, this prayer is to heal the sick, not to raise the dead"
8. At an exclusive restaurant, a party of diners was exhausting the waiter with relentless demands. Through it all, he remained professional. Finally one of the patrons asked the waiter to take the group's picture. He did - from the neck down.
some Question: Why do testing labs prefer to use lawyers instead of mice?
Answer: Because there are more lawyers than mice; the scientists don't get as attached to the lawyers, and there are some things mice won't do.